Will The Situation actually not go to The Shore? Does anyone care? Do I? Answers to these questions and more on the upcoming recap of Jersey Shore.
- “I feel like Mike, he’s like making this house on edge. Nobody ever confronts him about it so I feel like if Ron like talked to him it would like snap him out of it a little bit.” Sammi on The Situation’s house to the edge making. I guess she doesn’t remember that time Snooki threw a champagne bottle at him, or the time Deena threw a spatula at him, or that time her boyfriend and Sitch got into a brawl that led to The Situation getting a concussion. A Sitchcussion, to the lay person.
- “Between you and me, I feel like the villain.” The Situation to Ronnie. A great title for The Situation’s memoirs.
- “I only want a couple of bridges. I don’t want all of them, dawg.” The Situation on even though he’s the bad guy right now, he still doesn’t feel the need to apologize to everyone he’s wronged. That’s a great fucking quote and I imagine that it’s how he actually feels. He’s the star of the show and he knows it and so long as he’s got one or two guys to at least talk to him he’ll be totally fine. Also, it’s pretty clear that Situation is modelling himself after Dylan McKay. And why not? They’re both rich, both on TV, and both 10 to 15 years older than their fellow cast mates. Watch this whole clip, but especially from 1:18 onward. May the bridges we all burn the light the way.
- “If he wants to act like Angelina let him act like Angelina.” Ronnie on The Situation. That’s cold. That’s really cold. That’s getting benched for Christian Ponder or John Beck cold. When something like that happens it’s abundantly clear that you suck. I guess that makes The Situation either McNabb or Grossman. Hmm. He’s definitley McNabb because McNabb, like The Situation, actually did some cool things once upon a time while Grossman never did anything except hand the ball off and occasionally complete a short pass. Grossman is Angelina; if you don’t notice him/her then they’re doing their job.
- “I’m going to be very upset saying goodbye to Marco and the pizzeria.” Sam on how she’ll be sad to leave her job at the pizzeria. I’m not surprised she feels that way because lots of people like jobs where they work one day a week and get really fucked up the rest of the time.
- “In house walk of shame. Yeah, buddy.” Pauly D on Ron and Sam’s in house walk of shame. I guess my equivalent to that is the old Righteous Mid-Party Dump: everyone knows what I did, but nobody want’s to talk about it. And it’s not like they need to because right after I immediately walk outside, head down, while not looking at or speaking to anyone.
- “This is one of the last Meatball nights in Italy.” Deena. I only quoted that to get to this…
- “We never really went sight-seeing like as an activity.” Vinny. Least surprising moment in JS history.
- Vinny wore a Let It Be tee-shirt during their historical/art tour. I’m just glad George and John are dead and didn’t have to see that. Paul will be fine and probably isn’t even aware of Vinny’s shirt because he just got married and is all wrapped up in being a newlywed. And Ringo, well, I don’t think he’s much aware of anything. And for good measure let’s try to guideficate the lyrics to “Let It Be.” How about this: Just the first verse of “Let It Be” re-imagined with Uncle Nino helping to diffuse a grenade situation.
“When I find myself in thighs of trouble/Uncle Nino comes to me/Screaming words of wisdom, let it be.”
Sorry about that.
- “What are you starting with little kids for? What is wrong with you, bro? You know you’re messing with little kids right now, bro.” Vinny to The Situation. It’s nice that Vinny cares enough about Sitch to call him out on stuff like that, but I feel it would be more meaningful if he hadn’t stolen that line from Tito Jackson who said that Michael at least three times.
- “GTL I miss the most.” Pauly D.
That’s it. Ronnie and Sam are together and everyone hates The Situation. Pretty much par for the course. I’d say that this was the worst season so far, but it’s hard to tell if it has anything to do with what actually happened or because we’ve lived with these characters too long. The smart money’s on the latter, but it doesn’t really matter because discussing, analyzing, or even quoting the Jersey Shore is downright pathetic. Oh. Shit. No! Noooo! What have I done!?