Considering the state of the world, recapping Jersey Shore quotes may seem vapid. But what if it isn’t? Yes, people are occupying Wall Street, but what happens when it’s all over and they’ve changed our country for the better? What will they come home to? Since I’m not brave enough to fight in the streets I’m left with only one recourse.
- “I’m really shy! I gotta dildo today!” Strange Girl at the club. It’s important to note that this young dildo lady’s face was not blurred, which means she signed a waiver agreeing to appear on the show. That means that she wanted the world (or about 7 million viewers) to know that she bought a dildo. That’s totally weird. My roommate gave me his old nose hair trimmer yesterday, but that’s weird and not something I’d ever tell anyone.
- “If I don’t fuck her I ruin the friendship. Welcome to my world.” Pauly D. Seinfeld’s got some competition!
- “I feel bad though. I should have fucked her.” Pauly D. Living in LA I say stuff like that all the time because of all the models and stuff.
- Last week I referred to something dumb in JS as the most depressing moment of my life. That was topped this week. The scene where Team Meatball went to a restaurant and grinded on each other in front of all the customers made me wonder if I’d be better off if The Rapture had actually occurred. And I’m not trying to brag. I don’t think I’d have been taken to heaven, I just think that if the world had been destroyed and the righteous removed to a better place that I probably wouldn’t have watched JS tonight. I’d probably be out looting. Or more likely looking for places that had yet to be looted. And I’m sure it would have been somewhere crappy like the soccer section at a Dick’s Sporting Goods.
- JWoww: Cheers. To not being mom.
Ugh. Don’t you hate it when you can’t think of a good abortion joke? This one’s sitting up like a tee-ball.
- “The crowd is saying piece of shit.” Random Italian dude to Vinny. This was when the crowd at the club was booing The Situation. I kinda feel that the booing and “piece of shit” calling was actually directed at all the male JS cast members. It’s very, very possible that the Italian club goers resented all the cameras, extra security, and the presence of Snooki and Deena. When you think of it like that Sitch is getting off easy just being called a “piece of shit.”
- “They were like making fun of us.” Deena on the guys at the club who surrounded them. It definitely seems like the JS crew has worn out their welcome in Italy. I don’t know how long they were there, but it couldn’t have been longer than six weeks. So in about five weeks they’ve managed to become complete pariahs. I blame Obama for sending them there in the first place.
- “Throwing ice at me and my friend. You don’t fucking do that.” Snooki on why she smashed a bunch of bottles at the club just because someone threw some ice at her.
“We actually proved that we actually have manners and we actually have like respect for other people.” Deena. Was Manners a Charlie Rose type interview show ran only in New Jersey and hosted by Andrew Dice Clay?
- “I feel like I’m in a Snoopy episode.” Ronnie on how he can’t understand Snooki and Deena’s drunken gibberish. That’s old school Ron. Not quite a malapropism, but like the second cousin of malapropism. He meant Charlie Brown or Peanuts, not Snoopy.
- “Be a woman! Do something!” The Situation to Deena. I definitely think Dice had his own public television show in Jersey.
- “That’s why they like to gang up against me. Because I’m strong.” The Situation. They tried to make us feel bad for The Situation, which was kind of funny.
- “I’ll eat you mother fucker!” The Situation to the dude at the bar he wanted to fight.
I guess The Situation’s going solo, which doesn’t make much of a difference since he’s always been a lone wolf. He kind of reminds me of me; out there alone, fighting for what’s right, and getting hated for it. I guess we’re both like Dice.