As stated previously, I thought last week’s episode was a major turd. And that’s saying something when recalling that The Situation had a self-inflicted concussion, wore a neck brace, and screamed like a crazy man. Normally, that would be enough to save any episode, but not any more. We’ve lived with the characters too long to simply roll over and accept uninspired quotes and hackneyed plots. Let’s see if they can do better tonight.
- “Last night I kind of let my pride get the best of me.” Ronnie on how he screamed at Sammi like a crazy man. Ronnie’s pride must take more steroids than the actual Ronnie because it always seems to get the best of him.
- “I feel like how can you get sympathy on a self-inflicted injury?” JWoww generalizing The Situation’s wall incident to the rest of society. JWoww also has no sympathy for teenage girl wrist cutters, toddlers who burn themselves on stoves, and old people who’ve fallen and can’t get up.
- “I’m gonna man up.” The Situation after heart to heart with Ronnie. I don’t think anyone thought The Situation was actually going to leave. I’m sure he was just sad because he couldn’t drink for a couple of days and that the neck brace didn’t garner him any sympathy, but instead just made him look lame (lamer). He triumphantly took the neck brace off after he declared his manning up intentions.
- Random Priest: Can you cover up your body please when you come in front of church?
- Snooki: Shut up.
How did the priest know to speak English? Is she that famous or would only an American walk by a Florence church barely dressed in the middle of the day? Are we that predictable? If so, then we need to seriously reconsider overruling Amendment 28, which made Snooki our nation’s official mascot. I know at the time it seemed like a cute idea, but it has gone on too long. Democracy sucks.
- “I will fucking knock that bitch out! I will fucking knock that bitch out!” Deena after a girl in a club threw a drink at her. Can you blame the girl, Deena? One of your fat camera men or fat security guards probably stepped on her foot and then you had the gall to tell her to get out of the way. And anyway, you’re a 5-2 girl and aren’t capable of knocking anyone out ever.
- “The kid don’t know, he don’t realize.” Ronnie on how Jionni (Snooki’s boyfriend) doesn’t realize that it’s not right or practical to try to change a significant other. He said this right after Jionni ushered Ron off the phone so he could say goodbye to Snooki. Ronnie didn’t like this, but both he and Snooki are way off base. Imagine this for a second: it’s six o’clock at night and you’re going about a regular evening, maybe even eating your dinner. Your girlfriend, who is also a crazy reality star, drunkenly calls you on the phone from Italy. You have a hard time understanding what she’s saying and are grossed out when she says gross things like “I want to suck your butt.” You’re pretty frustrated, right? Well then this drunken reality star girlfriend puts a male friend on the line to talk to you. This male friend is also a crazy drunk reality star. This drunk dude tries to tell you how it is in your relationship, which is really annoying because he’s hard to understand due to the booze and more importantly he’s not in your relationship. You finally get back on the phone with your drunk reality star girlfriend and she’s pissed at you. This leads to you both hanging up angry. Does this sound like fun?
- The gang wanted to intervene on Snooki and talk to her about how Jionni’s not right for her anymore. What? Who among them knows anything about healthy relationships? Ronnie and Sammi do nothing but fight and break up, Deena, Pauly, Vinny, and The Situation are never in long-term relationships, and JWoww dated that dude Tom who stole a bunch of money from her. That would be like me intervening on another person who recapped JS episodes; we’re both part of the problem.
- “You have to understand: I’m not going to pretend everything is cheese and daisies.” JWoww on not pretending that Snooki and Jionni have a healthy relationship. Cheese and Daisies seems like a good name for a JWoww autobiography. Cheese and Daisies: The Ups and Downs of JWoww.
Ugh. Another crummy episode. And where have Erica and Brittany (The Individual!) gone? Maybe they went back to Florida, which I guess is good for Mr. Brittany (their Dad), but it’s really bad for me. This one goes out to Brittany and Erica and of course to Jionni.