Jersey Shore, Season 4, Episode 5

1 09 2011

My only hope for tonight’s episode was a scene involving Brittany sobbing over The Situation as he laid unconscious in a hospital bed. It didn’t happen.

The Episode

- “I’ve been waiting, bro.” Ronnie on his time biding in regards to fucking The Situation up. Ugh. That fight was a complete disaster. I can’t believe I thought The Situation was seriously injured. I swore they showed a stretcher at the end of the last episode. Maybe it was just my imagination running away with me.

- “I’ll fuck you up everyday!” The Situation to Ronnie. Huh?

- “This isn’t fucking fun anymore!” A sobbing JWoww to Sam, begging her to leave the Ronnie/Situation argument alone. I wonder what ‘fun’ she’s referring to? Ron and Sam only ever fought, but maybe it was secretly fun for the other house members in a watching a train wreck kind of way. Regardless, I can assure JWoww that it was never fun for the viewer. Below is the third image that appears if you type “fun” into google image. Man that kind of multi-cultural fun really takes me back. Wait, never mind. I grew up in the suburbs. The closest I came to multi-cultural fun was watching the episode of FULL HOUSE where Urkel guest starred and taught Stephanie that wearing glasses was okay.

- It was kind of surprising that Snooki was the one who suggested that Situation go to the hospital. One, because she hates him right now and it’s out of place for her to be the only one to care about his physical welfare when there are four other roommates that could fill those shoes. And two, because she’s dumb.

- “I don’t want that fucking kid to die. I don’t want him to die.” Again, a sobbing JWoww right after Situation was wheeled out of the house on a gurney. They always curse when they’re super emotional. A normal person says, and probably just internally, “I hope he doesn’t die.” A JS character can’t express sufficient meaning without adding a few expletives. This makes me wonder what Situation’s actual funeral would be like. “Mike was  great fucking kid. He made us all fucking laugh and fucking smile all day. He was great at shooting the fucking shit and even better at having a genuine fucking conversation. I’ll miss him every fucking day. My fucking heart goes out to his mother fucking family in their time of need. Fuck that fucking wall he smashed his head into. Fuck that wall. I fucking love you, Mike.”

- “This is not fun anymore.” Snooki on how it’s not fun anymore. Again, was it ever fun?

- “The kid’s in the hospital and shit, that’s kind of fucked up.” Ronnie on how it’s fucked up that The Situation’s in the hospital and shit.

- “If you ever need to talk I’m, uh, you know.” Vinny to Ron on how Vinny’s available to help Ron through his anger issues.

- “I just don’t anything to do with you again in my entire my life.” Sam to Ron after he told her that he’d been calling a girl from Long Island. It’s too bad for Sam that they live together as part of a television show.

- “Ronnie feels like he’s trapped in his own mind right now and doesn’t know who he is and because of that he’s trying to flee.” Vinny on Ron’s psychic state. I know who Ronnie is…

- The Situation returned back from the hospital wearing a sweatshirt that said Head Rush. I googled “Head Rush sweatshirt” and discovered that it’s some sort of MMA clothing company. After seeing a celebrity who knocked his own self out wearing their clothes, Head Rush may pull a A & F and pay Situation not to wear their items.

- I wish The Situation always wore a neck brace. (I desperately tried to find a picture of Christian Laettner’s mother, who always, always wore a neck brace, but couldn’t find one. It was really sad.)

Not Christian Laettner's Mother

- “You really can’t help who you love.” Ronnie. I feel the same way about finding a picture of Christian Laettner’s mother. Seriously, to anyone reading this, if you know where to find one on the internet please share.

- “You look like a pilgrim.” Snooki to Deena who did not in any way look like a pilgrim unless pilgrim women wore frilly red dresses that showed off their boobs. I think Snooki is confusing the Pilgrims with the Puritans: The Purtians were all slutty and stuff and had no intention of separating from the Anglican church.

- “Let’s do it, baby! Let’s do it, baby!” Pauly into the ear of some random Italian dude at the club. The dude did not like Pauly because Pauly had possibly taken away his girl. You’d think he would have been loathe to fight after what happened to Sitch, but I guess Pauly’s a showman and wanted to appease the viewers with an actual fight. It’s just too bad cooler heads prevailed.

That episode plain stunk. And that’s especially sad when remembering that it included a break up, a fist fight, an almost fist fight, and The Situation in a neck brace. Seriously, that was really boring. Sorry everyone.


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