Jersey Shore, Season 4, Episode 4

25 08 2011

We all thought this episode was  going to be full of violence, but we didn’t know how and when it was going to take place (we should have remembered that if it’s a major fight, they only show half of it and only at the very end). The only think we knew for sure was that none of the violence would revolve around sight-seeing in Florence, which they don’t seem to care about whatsoever.

The Episode

- “Erica, I’m going home.” Brittany, Situation’s twin and daughter of the uber-depressed Mr. Brittany. So, I guess sometime during the middle of the night Erica got out of Deena’s bed and back into Vinny’s, where she was briefly, but only after she got out of Deena’s bed originally after they got back from the club. They call it Guido Musical Chairs or Herpes: The Little Virus That Could. Ugh, that’s embarrassingly catty.

- Situation: Your sister went home just now.

Erica: I’m an individual, okay!

Situation: What happened?

Erica: I’m an individual!

Situation: Okay, okay, okay…good night.

What a fantastic interchange, Erica’s attempt at creating her own JS character, “The Individual!” The Situation, the king of forcing a fake persona on friends, strangers, and the TV audience, didn’t even know what she was talking about. He just wanted her to know that her sister left and certainly didn’t expect The Individual! to come crashing out of the gate with her own brand of individuality, which consists of a post-Beejer lie in.

- “The girl went down on Deena.” Ronnie on Erica going down on Deena. Score another for Mr Brittany. She later “polished off” Vinny in the true spirit of an American individual. She’s the Jack Kerouac of slutty girls studying abroad.  Seriously, Brittany and Erica’s father has either killed himself, run off to Mexico, or run off to Mexico to kill himself.

- “Pretty much my boy Unit was banging Ryder(Snooki’s best friend) and then Snooki walked in and got all turned on.” The Situation’s explanation on why Snooki wanted to hook up with him. It’s only worth noting because he has a ‘boy’ named Unit.

- “I licked a nipple once, it was weird.” Snooki.

- “At least the carpets are extra clean today.” Vinny re: Deena’s box munching. A legitimately funny line from a JS character. The average of Legitimate Funny Lines is .5/per episode, or 6.5 per season.

- “Unless you know something for a fact, don’t talk shit. And that’s all. (she turned back around) And you know what? It was a good fucking time!” Deena completely misquoting Matthew 7:1. Or, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”

- “That was the best day of my life!” Pauly after him and Vinny pulled the great prank of putting Deena’s bed in the living room. Is this Pauly’s new catch phrase? It’s the second time he’s said it after mundane activities (the 1st time was after Ronnie sat on a tiny table and broke it). Regardless, it’s not a very good catch phrase because it will leave him at a complete loss of words when something good actually happens to him.

- Deena: (Sobbing) I’m having an anxiety attack.

Sammi: Breathe.

The bed prank really, really hurt Deena’s feelings. Hmm. Seems a bit much. The guys certainly didn’t understand where she was coming from, but JWoww did and showed us by saying, “What’s wrong with her being her own human?” Did you know that the original title of the Hillary Swank film Boys Don’t Cry was What’s Wrong With Her Being Human?

- “I’ll never change, ever!” Pauly during the heated Deena’s Changed/Deena’s a Cock-Blocker argument. It’s true that Pauly will never change. Have you seen his hair! Am I right people? Huh?

- “Every single girl I know hooks up with girls, that’s fine.” Pauly. Really? Every single girl you know? I need to start hanging out with new girls. Or not.

- “I’m completely head over heels in love with Ron just by that he’s changed.” Sammi on being back in love with Ron. This was right after he bought her unsolicited gifts. Girls are so predictable!

- They go to a club called Yab. Even clubs in Italy have stupid names.

- “I’m dancing like three feet above some fat chick and Sam just gives me a dirty look.” Ronnie on Sam getting mad at him for dancing near an obese woman. Again, girls are so predictable!

- “Me and Sam talking while drunk is like throwing kerosene into a fire.” Ron on how it’s ill-advised for him and Sam to talk about anything serious while drunk. This isn’t quite a classic Ronnie malapropism, but it’s a bit odd. Normally, you’d say ‘gasoline’ instead of ‘kerosene.’ Maybe he’s just old school, though. Maybe his guido forefathers wax poetically about kerosene lamps.

- “At this point I can’t deal with it anymore.” Ronnie. This was right after Ronnie broke up with Sam. They showed him walking the streets alone after this quote, which is always a bad sign. It’s like maneuvering the joystick for the finishing move in Mortal Kombat. And Ron’s finishing move, as we all know, is throwing stuff.

- “I’ve been blinded. By what? Fucking vagina!?” Ronnie on a post-break up phone call to his friend TJ.

- Situation: Come see me for an hour or two?

Brittany: (on the phone) Why not.

Another death blow for Mr. Brittany. This especially hurt him because it was clearly noted that it was 4 in the morning right before he called her. His little girl goes and visits reality stars at 4 in the morning. And gals, let’s think of some potential Facebook album titles for Brittany’s trip to Florence. Oh, and they have to be movie titles or play on words with movie titles. Hmm. Jersey Girl? Sisterhood of the Missing Pants? Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Da Bomb?

- “Now, like, I’m about to fucking get real fucking gully.” Ronnie on putting Situation in his place for ratting him out to Sammi. Gully? I have no idea what that means, but using context clues we can infer that it involves removing your shirt and jewelry (or at least a bracelet) before fighting someone.

- “LET’S DO IT! AHHH! LET”S DO IT!” The Situation to Ron after ‘suggesting’ that he doesn’t get involved in Ron and Sam’s relationship. The sheer wild emotion that The Situation displayed proves that this fight wasn’t fake. His screaming was a sight to behold, as was the spit that flew out of his mouth. The Situation is all about control and this was not control.

- Ronnie threw The Situation on the bed poster as if he weighed nothing. The juice is loose.

Well, I guess we’ll get to see how bad The Situation’s injured next episode. Also, they usually remove people from reality shows when they really hurt someone so the producers might have to intervene on this one. I just hope all this fighting doesn’t stop them from checking out all the old churches and historic sites that Venice has to offer. When you google image ‘anger’ this is the first picture that comes up. Ciao, Ronnie and ciao, Situation (he might be dead).


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